


Better If It's Me

by codepink



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Asshole Suho, M/M, Suicide Attempt, mermaid!au, sehun is a very sad cookie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 17:26:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8336455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/codepink/pseuds/codepink
Summary: Sehun rather feel himself slowly dying out here in the open water; then feel himself slowly dying for the man of his dreams.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i apologize wayyyyy in advance for all the errors and such. i just don't have patience to check it all. cross posting from aff. :)

The sun is starting to rise in the sky and everything it touches has a yellow ethereal glow. The sand isn't quite warm yet beneath his feet but he doesn't feel it anyways. The clouds look almost pink and he smiles. He smiles because he's happy this is the last thing he'll ever get to see. He's glad he chose this particular place.

 

It's where, what seems like centuries ago, they met. Sehun thought the boy sitting in the waves was absolutely beautiful. His hair was the color of the then warm sand and his skin was as light as the sea foam it seemed. He was beautiful even down to that long tail flapping under the clear water. The scales reflected a light pink and it was beautiful.

Sehun remembers asking Luhan one day why he sat so close to the shore. He replied that he was scared of drowning. Sehun didn't understand at that time because what kind of merperson can't swim. Right? Luhan didn't eleborate and Sehun stopped asking him to. They met like that when Sehun got off of school and Sehun would spend all weekend with him.

Sehun asked at least a hundred questions about the ocean life. Luhan said it was pretty beneath the waves in the parts people don't see. He talked about the rainbow colored fish and the red reefs that he said made a good back scratcher. They both laughed at that, and Luhan's laugh made Sehun's stomach hurt in the best of ways.

It's after nearly two months that Luhan disappears. It's the first day of summer break and Sehun is more excited than any of the previous years. His mother doesn't always ask why he stays at the beach for so long. She doesn't question the bag of sandwiches that Sehun takes with him. He wants Luhan to try human food.

The beach is deserted because no one knows about it, it was an accident Sehun found it in the first place. The shore is even emptier without the warm body occupying it. There's no sandy hair blowing in the ocean breeze it's just useless sand. There's no tail splashing or arms sturring up sea foam bubbles.

"Luhan?" Sehun calls out. He doesn't know what else to do besides scream the other's name. And so he does so until his voice is hoarse and his throat hurts. Luhan never responds. Sehun never expected him to, not really. Sehun drops the bag with the sandwiches and it opens. Sand spilling inside. But it doesn't matter.

So he waits. He waits in the silence of the water for any sign of life in the water. He can't swim so he can't go searching. All he can do is wade through the shallow water and wringe his hands. The sun is high in the sky and it's hot. Sehun can feel the back of his neck getting warmer. And he knows he'll regret the sunburn when he gets home.

There are less waves today. And the baby waves that do form lap at his knees and make them weak. Sehun calls out for Luhan again but still no answer. 

So he stops waiting.

 

He returns afte a couple days. Maybe Luhan had something to do in his underwater kingdom. Maybe he was a prince or something and had civic duties to perform or something. Maybe Luhan got distracted by the pretty rainbow fish and the red reefs. Maybe he was lost in the sea. Maybe he drowned like he was so scared of.

The maybes stop though when Sehun gets to the beach. Luhan is here and he is relieved. His sandy hair is blowing in the ocean breeze and his tail is beautiful. But there's another. A smaller man with brown hair and sea foam colored skin. He too has a tail flicking in the water except it's a much duller green.

Sehun is quiet and just watches. Watches Luhan laughing with someone other than him. Laughing and putting his hands all over the other. The brunette looks just as equally amused. But Sehun is anything but. If anything he rationalizes that what he's feeling isn't jealously. It's just sudden heat stroke.

Sehun's walking foreward with the bag of sandwiches he's made for Luhan to try. His knuckles turn white from his grip on the bag and his fingers ache but he doesn't care. He's far too concerned with Luhan leaning over to whisper something to the brunette and his lips press against the other's temple.

"Oh, Sehun." Luhan pulls away when he notcies the younger upon them. Sehun stops feet away from them but in the water. The waves lap against his shins this time and it's cold. "I was wondering when you'd show up." Luhan smiled up at him but it didn't shine like is smile for the brunette did.

"I was starting to wonder if you were ever coming back." Sehun says and looks back out over the water.

"Yeah. Sorry about that it's just Junmyeon arrived and I wanted to spend time with him." Luhan explains and Sehun's peripheral vision catches the two holding hands on the sand. It seems to get a lot colder for summer.

"Whose Junmyeon?" Sehun asks. Though he knows who it has to be he just wants to know why. Why was he here? What was going on with him and Luhan? Sehun wondered if this Junmyeon could swim back to where he came from. Which Sehun hoped was a long, long ways away from here.

"My fiancee to be." Luhan sounds like he's smiling. Sehun nearly chokes on the stale sea air.

"To be?" He asks just to break the tension in his chest.

"He just has to get my father's blessing. Then I'm all his."  Luhan explained like it was the best thing to ever happen. Sehun definitely sees as the worse thing to happen.

Sehun looks down at the man that was stealing Luhan from him. "Hello. It's nice to finally meet you, Luhan talks about you a lot." Junmyeon has one of those rare smiles that Sehun hates. It looks all sweet and sugary but still looks menacing. Sehun's only ever seen his dad with that look.

"Oh does he?" The waves are cal despite the betrayal happening on the shore.

"Yeah. About your schooling and how nice you are." Junmyeon tightens his hold on Luhan's hand if even a little. But Sehun notices it.

"What's that Sehun?" Luhan pipes in and grabs for the bag being crushed in Sehun's hand.

"It's human food. I though you'd like it. You did say you were fascinated by the bread I bought that one time for the fish." Sehun talks a lot when he's anxious, he knows this.

"You remember that?" Luhan asks and is smiling again. Sehun doesn't want to say he remembers every single conversation and every single detail.

"Yeah." Is what he settles for and hands the bag over. Luhan pops it open and gasps at the sound the ziploc makes when pulled apart. Junmyeon is staring at it like it's committed a crime or something. Maybe Sehun committed a crime in his past life and that's why this is all happening.

"It smells weird." Junmyen comments and Sehun quietly scoffs because he never asked for his opinion. Luhan takes one out of the bag and sniffs at it.

"It smells fine to me." Luhan looks at the sandwich then back to Sehun then back to the food in his hands. At least they're not holding Junmyeon's anymore.

Luhan takes a bite and makes this kind of chottle noise in the back of his throat. "It great! What is it?" Junmyeon doesn't look pleased that Luhan is so obviously overjoyed.

"Ham and cheese." Sehun smiles because he's getting under Junmyeon's skin. He can feel the tension even if Luhan is oblivious to it.

"I like this ham and cheese stuff." Luhan's eyes close as he takes another bite. But when he opens them he's shoving the sandwich into Junmyeon's awaiting mouth. Junmyeon, the love thief, is eating the precious food Sehun made. And the younger doesn't like it one bit. Not at all.

Junmyeon is the one to finish off the rest of the sandwich. He glances down at the other one Luhan is now holding and then smirks back up at Sehun. Sehun's goes breathless when Junmyeon starts to kiss Luhan. Luhan looks just as surprised but isn't pulling away. Luhan always pulled away when Sehun so much as breathed wrong in his direction.

Sehun doesn't know what possess him to snatch away the remaining sandwich and chuck it into the water. It falls apart on impact but doesn't sink. Sehun also doesn't know what possess him to push Junmyeon off of Luhan. The other falls over into the sand and looks pissed. Luhan looks shock stricken.

"What are you doing, Sehun?!" Luhan screeches and helps Junmyeon sit upright again. Sehun wants the waves to just devour him right then and there.

"I'm leaving!" Sehun yells and turns to walk away. But he ends up in a mad sprint away from the lovebirds on the beach. He can hear Luhan calling him.

 

Sehun walks out into the water until he can't touch the bottom anymore. He doesn't panic like he would before because he wants this. He wants the waves to devour him now. And they do. The sun is high in the sky by the time Sehun gets dragged under by a current. 

He holds his breath out of natural reaction and instinct and just sinks. He doesn't fight to get to the surface. He doesn't fight to get proper air. He just lets the current drag him farther down. He can see the sun through the water and his eyes burn with the salt. So he closes them.

Time is suspended and has stopped. It feels like everything is floating on air. The water is much colder below the surface and Sehun feels the goosebumps on his clothed body. His shirt is sticking and is bunched around his sides and his pants feels especially heavy. His cheap shoes are almost certain to just fall apart.

Everything is falling apart and it has been since before he met Luhan. Behind his closed eyelids Sehun can see the funeral procession for his brother and father. He can see his mom crying and holding a too young to understand Sehun. He sees the person he loved most in the world being carried in a polished wooden box.

He can see his mother crying again. This time she holding a too young to be gone picture of Sehun. She's sobbing worse than she did for his father and brother. And Sehun knows it's cause she's absolutely alone now. He can see the headlines about a local teenage boy's body washing back up on shore.

He opens his eyes and blinks into the murky water. His chest is heavy and his head is starting to swim. He can barely feel the cold anymore. If he were honest, it seemed warmer now. He's crying but it blends seamlessly into the water killing him. He's crying because he's lonely even as he's dying.

It takes seconds or minutes but Sehun can't tell. His head has gone completely blank now and his lungs burn. He opens his mouth to breath but only takes in water. It's salty and it burns so bad in his throat. He's choking and his hands fly up to his throat. But he's numb and can't even feel his fingers anymore. He heaves, taking in more water, and closes his eyes again. It's peaceful now.

 

Luhan pulls Sehun's limp body onto the sand. He hovers as best he can with his newfound and wobbly human legs. Sehun is pale and his lips are starting to turn a blue-purple color. "Sehun?!" Luhan tries and he doesn't know what else to do when he gets no answer. He pushes on Sehun's chest but gets no reply. He remembers seeing a lifeguard saving someone before and how you're suppose to do it.

He tilts Sehun's head back like he remembers the lifeguard doing. He holds the other's nose like the lifeguard did. He pushes on his chest like the lifeguard did. He alternates like he remembers the lifeguard did. He lingers longer on Sehun's lips then the chest pushes, not like the lifeguard did.

But Sehun doesn't cough and sputter like that kid had. He doesn't gasp for air like he should. So Luhan pushes just a little harder and breathes into Sehun just a little deeper. Luhan is crying and it's still foreign. It burns his eyes like the salt water did earlier. And his chest hurts.

"Sehun, please?!" He yells. But it's still silent. "Sehun, please wake up!" He cries and leans to mash their lips together again. He just wants Sehun to show any sign of life. Anything to prove that Luhan wasn't beyond too late because he got held up with Junmyeon for too long. Luhan exhales into the open mouth below his and his tears run all over Sehun's face.

He chokes for air when he feels a breath exhaled against his lips. And then another and another and then water comes rushing out of Sehun's mouth and Luhan has to pull back. Sehun turns over on his side and coughs like he's suppose to and expels all the water he can manage.

Sehun is heaving when Luhan pulls him upright and into a hug. A hug he could never give him before because he couldn't go on land. But now he can and he takes advantage of it. Sehun doesn't hesitate to hug him back and starts sobbing into Luhan's shoulder. Sehun's hands are in Luhan's hair and on the back of his neck and Luhan likes this feeling swelling in him.

"Sehun, I'm so sorry." Sehun doesn't think he's ever heard this much distress in someone's voice before. Sehun wants to say something but his throat refuses to cooperate so he just gapes at empty air. Sehun looses track of how many time Luhan apologizes. But he does notice the feet that don't belong to him.

 

He won't ask Luhan about it until later. He learns that Luhan's father never gave Junmyeon his blessing. Told Junmyeon that no, he wouldn't be marrying his son. Junmyeon had gotten so angry he had a sea hag take away Luhan's tail and fish-like abilities. And now Luhan can't so much as enter his beautiful underwater kingdom again. But Sehun wouldn't let him. He wouldn't let Luhan go this time.

The sun is starting to set in the sky and everything it touches has a orange ethereal glow. The sand is warm where his and Luhan's hands rest, intertwined. The clouds look almost artifical aganst the darkening backdrop. He smiles because he's happy this is the second best thing he gets to see whenever he wants.

Sehun thinks the boy sitting on the blanket with him is absolutely beautiful. His hair was the color of the sheets on Sehun's bed. The bed they frequented often when his mother wasn't home.  His skin was a beautiful color, no longer the color of sea foam but just as soft. He is beautiful even down to that birthmark on Luhan's leg that Luhan didn't even know he had. His eyes reflect the calming waves lapping just barely against their bare feet.

Sehun asks Luhan why he saved him that day. He replied that he was scared of loosing his best friend. Sehun smiles and leans in to press his lips against Luhan's temple. Luhan laughs and it vibrates Sehun's entire being and lights a dull burn in his chest. But it burns in all the right ways.


End file.
